I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
