M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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