You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Randomize
