WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
