I accidentally burped into my bong.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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