Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
