I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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