i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
