Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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