Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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