dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
