Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
