so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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