He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
