maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
