the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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