It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
