Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize