don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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