Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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