I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
