Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
