i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
