everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize