I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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