Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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