that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
