Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
