U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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