if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
