We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
