yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize