I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
