in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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