There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
