i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
