The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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