i permit you to call me
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
