This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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