sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
God I need to hump something, right now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
