Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
