someone threw a dead crab at me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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