you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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