Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
