I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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