i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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