Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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