either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
