so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
are you so shy because you have an std?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
soo... how was my night?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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