wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
