i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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