Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
