My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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