goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
