And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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