Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
