And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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