I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
