She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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