just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
