Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
