Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
