Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
