Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
