Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
