I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
