her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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