I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
