Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
