so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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