Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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