My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I will pee on everything he values.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
