if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
