Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
