my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
