I didn't shave. On purpose
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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