you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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