Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
