I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
